December 6 – Make

What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)

Not being super crafty, although I wish I was, I am thrilled that I can honestly say that the last thing I made was all of the food for my sister's baby shower.

I hate to cook - well, hate is a bit strong, but I don't like to cook.  I hate to cook under pressure and nothing says pressure like 30 people coming to your house for a party.

I am not sure how good the food was, but overall the shower was a success.  I was thrilled I was able to do it for my sister.

December 5 – Let Go

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

As short and boring as yesterday's entry was, today should make up for that.

I let go of Jon.  Of course, some will say that I did that in 2009 when we got divorced, but anyone who is in a relationship knows it isn't that simple.

Jon and I are still deeply connected with one another and we will always be.  I care very much about him and I want the best for him.

I have tried desperately to be there for him and help him in any way that I thought I could.  I have talked him through things time and time again.  It may have been helpful to him at that moment, but in the long run, it hasn't been helpful for him.  I would guide him out of the bad place he was in only for him to return again and need me to help him out again.  It was exhausting for me and not beneficial in the long term for him.  I was guilty of enabling him in this aspect of his life.

October 2, 2010 was the first time that Jon arrived at that place and I didn't talk him through it.  I made him aware that he was not in a good place, but that is where it stopped.  It wasn't easy.  It would have been easier to go through the same pattern we have been going through for years, but for my sake, for Jon's sake, and for our son's sake, I had to let him go.

I don't know the process he went through.  I don't know how long it took for him to be okay.  I don't know if he is completely okay, but that is a journey only he can take.

I know God is with him, even if he doesn't believe it and my prayers for him continue.  No, life isn't easy.  I wish it were, but it is all part of the journey.

December 4 – Wonder

How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

With a one year old, I spent more time cultivating wonder in him than I did myself.  I spent most of the time trying to get from day to day and then through each day, but I tried to provide lots and lots of opportunities for my son.

Not a long answer today, but honest.  Survival was more important to me than cultivating wonder in my life.

December 3 - Moment

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (textures, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

I can't say when there was one moment. There was a moment physically. There was a moment mentally. There was a moment emotionally. There was a moment spiritually. Each of these moments held something different for me.

Physically: I started running in 2010. It is something I have always wanted to do. I started the Couch to 5K program in the spring. I worked hard toward my goal of running a 5K on the 4th of July. I wanted to run it the entire time and finish in under 30 minutes. I didn't achieve either goal, but came very close. But this was not the moment. The physical moment I felt most alive was running a race earlier in the spring. It was a race sponsored by Just People, an organization for adults with learning disabilities. There were lots of their clients there. There were a lot of families of clients there. I wasn't always 100% comfortable in the environment, but I knew I was stretching myself in a good way. I enjoyed being in the midst of all the people there - workers, supporters, runners. I enjoyed having my son there with me. The race was the best race that I had run to that point. I ran the best time I had run to that point. I loved the community. I remember running with my son in the jogging stroller and smiling the whole time. I literally ran into a sorority sister of mine that I hadn't seen since college. I won a prize at the raffle that I got to give to a good friend of mine the Monday after the race. It was a wonderful morning.

Mentally: This year I created Mom @ Work (http://www.momatwork.net/), a network for working mothers. This came out of a passion of mine to create opportunities for working mothers to connect with one another. As a working mother myself I know the opportunities for working mothers to connect are few and far between. Creating Mom @ Work stretched me mentally in so many ways. It was wonderful to be creative and see everything come together. It is still a work in process, but I am loving it.

Emotionally: I began working with Lael Jepsen of SheChanges this year. I found her through a childhood friend's Facebook page and the impact our relationship has had on my life is incredible. Being divorced, it only being my son and me in the house. It can get pretty lonely. Not only is it lonely, but I find myself spending a lot of time thinking about things, but not a lot of time processing things. I know that I need someone else to help me process or I just get stuck in the same thought processes. The processing is what helps me move forward. I cannot rave enough about Lael. I go into each session not knowing exactly what I want or will get out of the session, but after the session I feel invigorated. I feel inspired. Things come together for me and make much more sense. She is in Maine. I am in Atlanta. We spend the time together on the phone. I was a bit hesitant at first, but now I wouldn't do it any other way, even if we did live in the same city.

Spiritually: God is a huge part of my life. I try to spend a lot of time in casual conversation with Him throughout the day. Each day I ask him what His will is for my life. I bring Him problems I am having. I bring Him things to celebrate with me. I thank Him daily. I question Him about things in my life that I don't understand. I love Him. I get frustrated with Him. He is my partner in life. All that being said, is my relationship with Him perfect? Not by any means. I make mistakes. I make wrong decisions. I don't go to Him when I should. I look to other people and things for satisfaction and to achieve the sense of being whole. I have a long way to go to reach perfection, but God is working in my life every day. Those are the moments that I try to be conscious of, not only for myself, but in order to show other people how God is working in my life. So, the moment... I worry a lot about money. A lot. At one point this fall I was concerned about how I was going to pay bills, I got a refund check in the mail that covered the amount of the bills almost to the penny. There is no doubt to me that was a sign from God. I know He is always there, but I appreciate a blatant reminder every once in a while. I needed that reminder right at that moment. He is here in all moments and will guide and protect me. He will take care of me in a way that no one on earth can.

December 2 - Writing

What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
(Author: Leo Babauta)

Interesting question.  When I first read it I thought that I needed to replace writing with something else because I didn’t consider myself a writer.  But, in fact, a writer is exactly what I want to be.  I want to write a devotional.  I want to write an ebook for mothers returning to work after maternity leave.  I want to continue to blog personally and professionally.

So, back to the question…  Here are the things that I do each day that don’t contribute to my writing.  (Emphasis on do because it is asking just that, what I do.  It doesn’t ask what I don’t do, which honestly would be an easier question for me.)

I surf the web. I read.  I piddle in this and that.  At this time, writing is not my full time job.  I would love for one day for that to be the case, but until then, I have to fit in writing around my other responsibilities.  Fitting the writing in is the hard part.

The two things that would contribute to my writing are time and focus.  I need to devote time and space to writing each day.  Maybe it is carving out 30 minutes to write each day even if it doesn't have direction.  Maybe it is committing to writing only a certain number of words each day.  Maybe it is setting up a space where I can spend a bit of time doing nothing but writing each day.

Where will my writing take me in 2011, only time will tell, but I have no doubt that it will be places that, at this point in time, I can't even imagine.

December 1 - One Word

Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
(Author: Gwen Bell)

2010 Change

There has been a lot of change for me in 2010:  A divorce, a move, a job shift.  Some has been negative, some has been positive, but all the changes have contributed to the story of my life.

2011 Happiness

Life is pretty darn good, but I want 2011 to be so full of happiness it is busting at the seams with happiness.  Happiness comes with so many other things:  being healthy, content, positive, fun-filled, lots of smiles.  I want all areas of my life to be filled with happiness:  family, friends, hobbies, primary career, secondary careers, motherhood, my son.  Happiness also means being completely comfortable in my own skin, with all of who I am.

Reverb 10

Although I blog several places, I think this is the best place for me to blog for #reverb10.  What is reverb10 all about?  It is about reflecting on 2010 and manifesting what is next.  Go to the web site to find out more.

I do believe that God is in every moment.  He has definitely been with me throughout 2010 and will continue to be with me through every step of 2011.

Join me as I journey through reverb10.

Prayers Answered

My friend did get back in touch with me today, almost exactly 24 hours after I reached out to her.  We have a long way to go, but I am so thankful that the communication has begun.  God is good.

Dear Lord, please help this be the first of many fences that I work to mend in my life.

In God's Hands

I had a very good friend in college.  I can honestly say she was my best friend.  She was a year behind me.  I graduated, got a full time job, had a little life drama, and didn't make our friendship a priority.  I basically disappeared and lost contact with my best friend.  I know you are asking, "How can that happen?"

It was all me.  I was a terrible friend.  I was at a point in my life when I thought that things other than friendship were important.  I have learned a lot in the past ten years and have regretted my behavior ever since.

For several years I was too embarrassed to contact her.  After many sleepless nights regretting the disintegration of our friendship, I began to try to locate her but didn't have any luck.

Just today a mutual friend of ours contacted me.  I asked our mutual friend if she still kept in touch with my former best friend.  She does and she gave me her email address.

I quickly typed out an email appologizing to my friend.  Without so much as a third read, I sent it off.  Since it was sent I have thought about a million different things I wanted to say and have thought about how I should have worded it differently, but regardless it now sits in her email inbox.

I have put myself out there and let her know how sorry I am.  I pray that she responds and we can mend our friendship, but it is in God's hands now.

Lord,  I have learned so much in my life about friendship.  It has taken me many years, but I have learned that you have to be a good friend to have a good friend.  Please help me to be the type of friend that I would like others to be to me.

Left Behind

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

I have lots to look forward to:  a week of vacation, an upcoming conference on a topic I am very interested in, and spending lots of time with my son and other family.  While I know I am incredibly blessed and I am grateful for all that God has given me, I can't help but be sad. 

A dear friend of mine is moving away in less than a month.  Today was really the last day of work we are going to have together.  We got to know one another through work, but our friendship has gone far beyond a work friendship.  She has been a constant companion of mine.  We have shared so much of our lives with one another both personally and professionally.  There will be a void in my day-to-day life that I know cannot be filled and I am sad.

We will stay in touch with one another, I know, but I will miss getting to see my friend daily.  I will miss being able to just check in and touch base with her throughout the day.  I will miss knowing she is right around the corner.  I will miss hearing about what her family had for dinner or being able to share a silly story about my son.  I know we will still talk, but there is something about being face-to-face that makes it different.

I know God is with me as I go through this minor rough patch and that ultimately He will help me grow as a person through this experience.

I feel as though God is asking me to stretch myself in a way that I haven't been able to in the past to maintain and even deepen the level of friendship that we have even though it will be across the miles.  As I said before, I haven't succeeded in doing this with friends in the past, but with God's help I know that I can this time.

I also feel as though God is asking me to step outside my comfort zone, have an open mind, and form new and different friendships.  New friendships won't replace the friendship I have with my dear friend, but will enhance it.

This move is a great opportunity for my friend and her family and I know that it is a great opportunity for me as well.  I know that every time a door closes, a window opens.  My friend has found her window; I am searching for mine.

Lord, help my friend to know how much I care about her and let her know that won't change even though we will be in different cities.  Help me to be strong for my friend as her life is being turned upside down and she embarks on new and different adventures.  Help me to focus on all the benefits of my friend's move for both her and me.  Guide me in my friendship with her and new friendships that You have waiting for me on the horizon.  Thank You for being near me in my time of sadness and always helping me to find the silver lining.

Missing You

Yesterday when I got home from work my little boy was at my mom's house and came home just in time to go directly into the bed.

Today when I got home from work my little boy's dad was at the house to play.  His dad went home tonight right before it was time for him to go to bed.

I know it may seem ridiculous, but I am used to spending every evening with my son and I am missing him.  We have great one-on-one time each evening and my evenings aren't the same without that.

It occurred to me that God must feel the same when I am not spending time with him on a regular basis.  I imagine him sitting around during my usual prayer time waiting and wondering when I am going to arrive and being disappointed when I don't.

God, thank You for always making time for me regardless if I am making time for you.  Help me to remember that You are always there waiting and are disappointed when I don't make our one-on-one time a priority.  I know that our relationship cannot continue to develop without one-on-one time.  Thank you for the gift of the opportunity of daily time with You.

Red Light, Green Light

I recently started running and have slowly been building up the time that I continuously run.  I can complete 20 minutes of running successfully.  I have run for 25 minutes straight on one occasion, but I am not yet comfortable running for that length of time.

The first 10 minutes of my run today went relatively well, but at about the 10 minute mark I fell.  I was sure I would catch myself.  I didn't.  I skinned my knee, but I got up and kept going. 

I made it to 20 minutes, but at that point I was really struggling.  I knew that I could come up with any number of excuses to quit, but I kept going. 

Between minutes 21 and 22 it was time to cross a busy street.  I decided that if the light was green I would keep going.  If the light was red, that would be the end of my running for the day.

The light was green.  There weren't any cars that would have impeded my ability to safely cross the street and so I kept running.

I completed the 25 minutes, but I didn't do it alone.  God was with me the entire time and I know that He had a hand in that light being green, which was the motivation that I needed to run for the full 25 minutes.

God, thank You for always being there in the big things and the small things.  Your hand is in all things.  Help me never to lose sight of that.

The Golden Rule

I have been struggling a bit with a person that I work with.  This person treats people one way, but expects to be treated another way.  Coming from the school of treat everyone as you want to be treated, I have been struggling with this.

I was treating her the way that she treats others, which is not an un-Christian way.  It is just different than the way I treat people.  I genuinely thought this is how she wanted to be treated.  I was wrong.

Now I am going the kill her with kindness route, although I don't know that this is any more effective.

This is a conundrum for me.  I can't figure this one out.  I don't have any answers, but I know that God not only put this person in my life, but put this particular situation in my life for a reason.

I am trying to view the whole experience from His perspective.

God, please send me guidance.  You created a world where we are not all alike and I know that this is what helps makes the world go 'round.  Help me to learn to effectively deal with people different than myself.   Also, help me to always remember that my way is not the only way or necessarily the best way.

Peace Be With You

I love going to church on Sunday mornings, although with a one year old it is difficult to always be present while there.  As a single mom, I don't have any assistance when it comes to my son's care during church and, let me tell you, he requires a lot of care. 

My son is not a child who sits quietly during church.  He is so active that I am probably the only person who breaks out in a sweat during the service.  As a matter of fact, I have spent most Sundays chasing my son in the foyer while Mass goes on in the sanctuary.

We have missed Mass the last two weeks.  Two weeks ago my son slept in and I wasn't going to wake him.  Last week we were out of town. 

I decided that Mass this week would be different.  My son and I had a little come to Jesus meeting before we headed to church this morning. I explained proper Mass behavior and my expectations. I knew he didn't understand everything I said, but I knew he got the gist of it.  I was determined that we would stay in the sanctuary during the entire service.

Internally I had decided that if I had to take him out of the sanctuary we would go immediately home and he would spend some time in his crib. I didn't tell him about this though because I knew I would have to follow through and I wanted to be able to play it by ear.

When we got to Mass, I put him in the pew and the rest is history. Just kidding!

He squirmed as much as ever. He was up. He was down. He tried to climb over the back of the pew. He squirmed and tried to get out of my arms. He squirmed and tried to get out of my lap. But moment by moment we made it through.

I secretly celebrated as we hit each milestone. We made it to the first reading. We were actually in the sanctuary for the homily. We made it to the Liturgy of the Eucharist. Time to kneel. Yikes! I hadn't thought about how to handle that one. I ended up just having my son stand next to me on the kneeler and it worked for the most part. I did have to sit down with him at one point, but at least we were still in the sanctuary.

By the time we got to The Lord's Prayer I was completely exhausted. I knew we were getting close to the end, but I wasn't sure if either of us could make it.

Right before the Sign of the Peace my son, who is not a hugger or a cuddler, decided to hug me tighter and longer than he ever has in his 16 months.

After the initial shock wore off, I melted into him and hugged him tightly back.  Tears came to my eyes and I knew this was a moment I would never forget. 

In that moment it was not only my son's love that was palpable, but God's love was palpable in that moment as well.  I felt a sense of peace come over me.  Peace like I have never felt.  Through my son, God was telling me that I was loved, that I was doing fine, and that all my work is, in fact, worth it.

We both made it through the entire service and this week I left with a renewed sense of self and a renewed sense of purpose.

Lord, thank You for giving me a sense of peace that only You can.

"What a great gift! You are a gem!"

As I was setting this site up, a friend of mine sent me an email thanking me for a present that I gave her.  She said, "What a great gift!  You are a gem!"  She had no idea that her sweet words would be so appropriate.

I want this site to be a gift, to God and to others.  Gem--God Every Moment.  She could have used a million other words, but she chose that one. 

I have wondered if I am going the right direction with this site and He sent me a message through a friend that I am.

Lord, help me always to realize that I am impacting people's lives in ways that I could never imagine.

Going with the Flow

My son is with his grandparents today. 

My mom offered to keep him through his nap.  I wasn't sure because I was worried about how long he would sleep at her house, but I decided to just go with it. 

It turns out that the people that live above me (we live in a condo) are having their bathroom floor re-tiled today, which has involved non-stop banging.  At home would have been the worst place we could take a nap today.

Yet another example of how I don't always know best, but that He does.

Rest

"Come to Me, all you who weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  Matthew 11:28

I need to rest in order to be renewed and rejuvenated so that I can live the life that God wants me to live. 

This verse is one that I go to often, especially after a long week.  Now was my week any longer than anyone else's?  Of course not.  Did I have to deal with issues greater than some? Sure, but I am sure the things I had to deal with paled in comparison to what others had to deal with this week.

I have to live my own life.  No one else can live my life for me.  My blessings and challenges are not meant to be compared to others. 

Because someone is dealing with something much more difficult than what I am dealing with, does not make what I am dealing with inconsequential.  In the same regard, just because someone seems to have the "perfect life" doesn't mean their life is actually perfect.

How wonderful it is to know that I can go to Him at any time and He knows exactly where I am coming from.  It is in Him that I can truly rest in a way unlike any other and that rest is essential to being able to live the life that He put me on this earth to live.

What was Lost, Now is Found

I make sure each of my sons socks has a match before I put them in the washer.  This allows me the certainty that I will have matches at the other end of the laundry cycle.

Around the start of the year I was doing the pre-load sock matching and came across a sock that I couldn't find a match for.  I hunted a good bit for the sock, but to no avail. 

I placed the un-matched dirty sock on the shelf by the washer.  I didn't want to wash the one sock, but I wanted to have it waiting by the washer when I found its match.

Each time I have gone to do the laundry I have seen that one sock and wondered where the match could be.  At times I have thought about just getting rid of sock.  It is just a sock and it isn't like this is his only pair, but  I just haven't been able to do it because I felt sure that I would find the match at some point. 

I found the sock tonight in a completely unexpected place.  The sock now has its mate and I got a great lesson in having faith.

Always There

Thankfully I don't have, what I would consider, major sleep issues.  I can easily go to sleep at night and usually feel refreshed in the morning.  My biggest problem is that I relatively regularly wake up in the middle of the night and have a hard time going back to sleep.

It is during the middle of the night that my biggest concerns and fears rear their ugly heads.  It is in the middle of the night that I wonder how I am going to deal with all the issues--both big and small--that are going on in my life.  It is during the middle of the night that things seem insurmountable.

The wonderful thing about God is that He is always there.  He is there first thing in the morning.  He is there late at night.  He is there in the middle of the night.  He is the one person you can really always call without worrying about interfering with anything else He has going on.

When I do wake up in the middle of the night I do my best to continue to turn all my worries and concerns over to God and pray for Him to help me go back to sleep. 

Eventually I do go back to sleep and when I wake up in the morning I have a much better perspective on everything.  I thank God for that, because I know that my new-found perspective is due to Him. 

God is always at work in my life, even in the middle of the night.

Lessons from the Playground

I took my son to the playground this afternoon.  The playground is perfect for my 16 month old.  It is fenced in and doesn't have any equipment that is too advanced for him.  He loves to run around and explore.

This afternoon he found the broken handle from the teeter-totter.  He first tried to fix the teeter-totter, but when he realized that he couldn't easily fix it, he decided that he wanted to eat the handle instead.  I told him that he was not allowed to eat the handle.  He continued trying to eat the handle.  At that point, I took the handle from him and removed it from the playground. 

My son had a meltdown.  It was a major, blood-curdling screaming meltdown.  He was no longer interested in anything else at the playground, which was when I decided it was time for us to head home.  We will return to the playground another day.

How many times have I let God know in no uncertain terms what I want?  How many times have I had some type of meltdown when I haven't gotten what I wanted in life?  Too many to count, I am embarrassed to say. 

God knows exactly what is best for me and if I listen to him, I will get the better deal.  Unfortunately because of my stubbornness, most times I have to learn the hard way.  I fight against God and pitch a fit because I am not getting what I want in life.  I need to remember that I don't know best.  My Father is watching out for me and will always lead me down the right path.  It is up to me to listen.

God, I think I know the best path for my life, but You have much greater things in mind.  When things don't go my way, help me remember that Your way is the way I need to follow.

The Importance of Conscious Living

At the end of a weekend away I began packing the car in preparation for the trip home.  I took one load outside and realized that I the trunk had not opened even though I had pressed the trunk release button from inside the house. 

I left the load by the car and went back in to retrieve my keys.  While I was there I picked up another load and headed back to the car.

I put the second load by the trunk and pressed the trunk release button.  I loaded both the first and second load into the trunk and went to shut the trunk.  Something stopped me.  I made the deliberate decision to make sure I had my keys in my hand before I closed the trunk.

The keys weren't in my hand.  The keys weren't in my pocket.  I checked the ground around the car--no keys.  Again, I started to close the trunk, but something stopped me.

I left the trunk open and headed back into the house to see if I had left the keys there.  About halfway to the house, I turned around and headed back to the car.  I looked in the trunk.  Still no keys.  I couldn't imagine where they could be, but I knew I needed those keys in my hand before I closed that trunk.

At the top of one of the bags that had been loaded in the trunk laid my keys.  I picked up the keys and all I could say was thank you time and time again.  I didn't want to even think about what the chain of events would have been had I closed that trunk before I had those keys in my hand.

It wasn't something that stopped me; it was Someone.  God was reminding me to always be in the moment and to live consciously. 

God, it is easy to be preoccupied and be thinking of other things--in the past, in the future, people and places far away in time or distance.  Thank you for reminding me to consciously live in the moment.