He Loves Me, He REALLY Loves Me

Last night I took my cousins to dinner to celebrate their respective graduations - two different high schools, one college.  My son stayed with his grandfather.  He stood at the door waving good-bye, super excited about the guys night ahead with Papa.  As I pulled out of the driveway and watched him standing with his Papa at the door, I couldn't help but wonder how much he really needs me.

When my son is with his dad or other family members, I always take a back seat so that my son can spend as much time as possible with the people he doesn't get to see all the time.  I try not to interfere.  Because of this few people even see me active in my role as a mom.

As a single mom, I don't get reassurance from other people that I am doing the right thing as a mom.  No one sees what I am doing on a daily basis.  No one sees how we interact with one another.

This is where my faith in God is key.  Everyday I pray that God helps make me the best mother I can be and I ask Him to let me know that I am doing a good job.

Last night when I got home my son was already in bed.  I went to my room to change clothes and when I came out he was out of bed standing in his doorway.  As soon as he saw me he opened his arms wide and bounced on his toes without saying a word.  I went to him and picked him up.  He wrapped his arms around me tightly, squeezed hard and buried his face in my neck whispering, "Mama!"

Yes, he loves me.  He needs me.

It is by the grace of God that I am who I am as a mother and I am so thankful that God works through my son to let me know that I am doing a good job.

Jesus Didn't Have TV

I do have a TV.  I bought it earlier this year before we had, what we call in these parts, "Snow Week."  Yes, the entire city was snowed/iced in for a week.  With an almost two year old as my only companion, I wanted to be able to watch the local news and see what was going on.

I got rid of my last TV in 2008.  Purchased this one in 2011.  I am glad I had it for "Snow Week," but I haven't turned it on since.

I don't have cable and, because I live in a valley, I don't get great reception.  The real reason I haven't turned it on is that there isn't anything I want to see.

Most people are shocked and amazed that we don't watch TV.  People ask a lot of questions.  Here are the most frequently asked:

What about your son?

My son has watched TV before and loves to go to his grandparents so he can watch Sesame Street.  Every once in a blue moon my son will see the TV and say, "Turn on TV," which is when I explain to him that we don't watch TV at our house.  He doesn't ask again and continues on with his business.

What do you do with your time?

Admittedly, I spend too much time online, but I limit that to when my son is sleeping.  We read.  We play.  We go on walks.  We spend time outside.  We spend time just hanging out.  We go to bed early.  My son is in bed by eight and I am usually in bed by nine.

Is it hard not having the TV as a babysitter?

I don't know what it is like to have the TV as a babysitter.  I will say that, especially as a single mom, I would love for someone/something else to occupy my son's attention every once in a while, but, thankfully, he is pretty good at entertaining himself.  There are times when I *have* to get things done and my son is super clingy and needy for whatever reason.  I have to stop and give him my full and undivided attention regardless of what *has* to be done.  That is not always an easy thing to do, but worth it both in the short term and long term.

How do you get ready?  How do you make dinner?  How do you get laundry done?  How do you do fill-in-the-blank?

My son just plays in my room while I get a shower and get ready.  When the weather is nice my son plays outside on the patio by himself (gasp!) while I get dinner together.  If the weather is not good he just plays either in the kitchen or in his playroom.  I have a front load washer and dryer and so my son is able to help me with the laundry.  It doesn't matter what I am doing, my son is either participating in it somehow or playing nearby.

Don't you ever want down time?


I need down time every day and I usually get it between the time my son goes to bed and the time that I go to bed.  I love to read and always find time to read before I go to bed.  I love to write both online and in my personal journals.  I have time then to do both.


How do you keep up with what is going on in the world?


Honestly, I am not great at keeping up with what is going on in the world.  I sometimes listen to NPR.  I listen to what folks are talking about in the faculty lounge.  If something major is going on we always pray about it at the start of the school day.  (A blessing of working in a Catholic school.)  I get the email updates from the AJC, our local paper.

I am okay living in our little bubble.  I know this is a source of much controversy, but my philosophy is that it is my responsibility to make my little corner of the world a better place.  I am going to keep doing that regardless of what is happening in the world at large.

Don't you ever want to watch TV?

Yes.  There are times when I would like to just sit and watch TV.  Once a year or so I have to opportunity to watch TV usually at a friend or relatives house.  It is great for a while, but I am always so happy to return to the calm and peacefulness of our home.

What about when your son gets older?

I don't have an answer to that.  We will see how that plays out as he gets older.

On one hand I don't want it to become a part of our lives, but on the other hand, I want him to become a conscious consumer.  I feel that watching TV with him will be important so that he can learn to critically evaluate media.  Of course, that can be done through the Internet and magazines as well.  I just don't have an answer.

I know he will watch TV as he gets older.  He will watch it at his grandparents', at friends' houses.  He will go to movies.  I am not trying to keep TV out of his life completely.

So, what about the title of this post - Jesus Didn't Have TV?

Jesus didn't have TV.  Yes, it was a different time back then.  If he lived in today's world, would he have TV?  Probably.  Yes, he would probably even have his own TV show, but I can't imagine Jesus sitting on the couch just watching.  I can't imagine that he would have the TV on as background noise.  He would be spending time with people.

Spending time with people is what I feel I am called to do to be more like Jesus.  During the day my time is spent with teachers, students and parents.  At night mt time is spent with my son.  Without TV I feel like I have more time, energy and attention to give to people.

*Please know, not watching TV is purely my personal choice.  This post is not to make you feel bad about watching TV or to try to get you to get rid of your TV.  The purpose of this post is to let you know why I have made the decisions I have made in regard to TV.

Opposite situation. Blessed just the same.

At a recent Bible study at work a question was addressed to the two of us in the room with younger children, "How do you manage to bear the cross of having younger children at home?"

My colleague and I looked at one another to see who would speak first.  My colleague hesitantly began to speak.

He didn't speak of the cross he had to bear with three young children at home.  He began to talk about how blessed he is.  He spoke about his supportive wife.  He spoke about how his parents live around the corner and how his wife's parents also live close by.

I was blown away, not by what he was saying exactly, but that he was expressing the same feelings of being blessed that I would have expressed had I been the first to speak.

But what is most remarkable is that our situations could not be any more different.

I am a single mom.  I don't have family that lives close by or even in town.  I don't have the stability or the same support system he does, but I am just as blessed.  I could relate exactly to what he was saying about being blessed because I experience that same blessed feeling every single day.

Being blessed by God has nothing to do with our individual situations, but everything to do with our relationship with God and how we allow Him to work in our lives.

And this is the beginning of the story behind my six word story.

Please visit She Reads for information about the She Speaks Conference scholarship.  She Speaks is a conference for women who want to share with others their experiences with God through the written word, the spoken word, or through leadership in their community.

Peace Be With You

I love going to church on Sunday mornings, although with a one year old it is difficult to always be present while there.  As a single mom, I don't have any assistance when it comes to my son's care during church and, let me tell you, he requires a lot of care. 

My son is not a child who sits quietly during church.  He is so active that I am probably the only person who breaks out in a sweat during the service.  As a matter of fact, I have spent most Sundays chasing my son in the foyer while Mass goes on in the sanctuary.

We have missed Mass the last two weeks.  Two weeks ago my son slept in and I wasn't going to wake him.  Last week we were out of town. 

I decided that Mass this week would be different.  My son and I had a little come to Jesus meeting before we headed to church this morning. I explained proper Mass behavior and my expectations. I knew he didn't understand everything I said, but I knew he got the gist of it.  I was determined that we would stay in the sanctuary during the entire service.

Internally I had decided that if I had to take him out of the sanctuary we would go immediately home and he would spend some time in his crib. I didn't tell him about this though because I knew I would have to follow through and I wanted to be able to play it by ear.

When we got to Mass, I put him in the pew and the rest is history. Just kidding!

He squirmed as much as ever. He was up. He was down. He tried to climb over the back of the pew. He squirmed and tried to get out of my arms. He squirmed and tried to get out of my lap. But moment by moment we made it through.

I secretly celebrated as we hit each milestone. We made it to the first reading. We were actually in the sanctuary for the homily. We made it to the Liturgy of the Eucharist. Time to kneel. Yikes! I hadn't thought about how to handle that one. I ended up just having my son stand next to me on the kneeler and it worked for the most part. I did have to sit down with him at one point, but at least we were still in the sanctuary.

By the time we got to The Lord's Prayer I was completely exhausted. I knew we were getting close to the end, but I wasn't sure if either of us could make it.

Right before the Sign of the Peace my son, who is not a hugger or a cuddler, decided to hug me tighter and longer than he ever has in his 16 months.

After the initial shock wore off, I melted into him and hugged him tightly back.  Tears came to my eyes and I knew this was a moment I would never forget. 

In that moment it was not only my son's love that was palpable, but God's love was palpable in that moment as well.  I felt a sense of peace come over me.  Peace like I have never felt.  Through my son, God was telling me that I was loved, that I was doing fine, and that all my work is, in fact, worth it.

We both made it through the entire service and this week I left with a renewed sense of self and a renewed sense of purpose.

Lord, thank You for giving me a sense of peace that only You can.

Going with the Flow

My son is with his grandparents today. 

My mom offered to keep him through his nap.  I wasn't sure because I was worried about how long he would sleep at her house, but I decided to just go with it. 

It turns out that the people that live above me (we live in a condo) are having their bathroom floor re-tiled today, which has involved non-stop banging.  At home would have been the worst place we could take a nap today.

Yet another example of how I don't always know best, but that He does.

What was Lost, Now is Found

I make sure each of my sons socks has a match before I put them in the washer.  This allows me the certainty that I will have matches at the other end of the laundry cycle.

Around the start of the year I was doing the pre-load sock matching and came across a sock that I couldn't find a match for.  I hunted a good bit for the sock, but to no avail. 

I placed the un-matched dirty sock on the shelf by the washer.  I didn't want to wash the one sock, but I wanted to have it waiting by the washer when I found its match.

Each time I have gone to do the laundry I have seen that one sock and wondered where the match could be.  At times I have thought about just getting rid of sock.  It is just a sock and it isn't like this is his only pair, but  I just haven't been able to do it because I felt sure that I would find the match at some point. 

I found the sock tonight in a completely unexpected place.  The sock now has its mate and I got a great lesson in having faith.

Lessons from the Playground

I took my son to the playground this afternoon.  The playground is perfect for my 16 month old.  It is fenced in and doesn't have any equipment that is too advanced for him.  He loves to run around and explore.

This afternoon he found the broken handle from the teeter-totter.  He first tried to fix the teeter-totter, but when he realized that he couldn't easily fix it, he decided that he wanted to eat the handle instead.  I told him that he was not allowed to eat the handle.  He continued trying to eat the handle.  At that point, I took the handle from him and removed it from the playground. 

My son had a meltdown.  It was a major, blood-curdling screaming meltdown.  He was no longer interested in anything else at the playground, which was when I decided it was time for us to head home.  We will return to the playground another day.

How many times have I let God know in no uncertain terms what I want?  How many times have I had some type of meltdown when I haven't gotten what I wanted in life?  Too many to count, I am embarrassed to say. 

God knows exactly what is best for me and if I listen to him, I will get the better deal.  Unfortunately because of my stubbornness, most times I have to learn the hard way.  I fight against God and pitch a fit because I am not getting what I want in life.  I need to remember that I don't know best.  My Father is watching out for me and will always lead me down the right path.  It is up to me to listen.

God, I think I know the best path for my life, but You have much greater things in mind.  When things don't go my way, help me remember that Your way is the way I need to follow.