As short and boring as yesterday's entry was, today should make up for that.
I let go of Jon. Of course, some will say that I did that in 2009 when we got divorced, but anyone who is in a relationship knows it isn't that simple.
Jon and I are still deeply connected with one another and we will always be. I care very much about him and I want the best for him.
I have tried desperately to be there for him and help him in any way that I thought I could. I have talked him through things time and time again. It may have been helpful to him at that moment, but in the long run, it hasn't been helpful for him. I would guide him out of the bad place he was in only for him to return again and need me to help him out again. It was exhausting for me and not beneficial in the long term for him. I was guilty of enabling him in this aspect of his life.
October 2, 2010 was the first time that Jon arrived at that place and I didn't talk him through it. I made him aware that he was not in a good place, but that is where it stopped. It wasn't easy. It would have been easier to go through the same pattern we have been going through for years, but for my sake, for Jon's sake, and for our son's sake, I had to let him go.
I don't know the process he went through. I don't know how long it took for him to be okay. I don't know if he is completely okay, but that is a journey only he can take.
I know God is with him, even if he doesn't believe it and my prayers for him continue. No, life isn't easy. I wish it were, but it is all part of the journey.